Let's Pretend a Happy End
by iwontfakeit
Summary: Years after they broke up, Dan and Serena meet again. Only this time things are different. Chapter five is rated M for sexual content. Serena centric.
1. Chapter 1

**Let's Pretend a Happy End**

**Chapter One**

Defying all expectations, including her own, she graduated from Brown, honoring the family tradition. But never before had a van der Woodsen graced the pages of fashion magazines or walked the runways of the world. And tonight was a big night. While she had done it before numerous times, this was the Victoria Secret's show. She didn't consider herself shy, but she was very aware of the fact that this time she was modeling lingerie. Lingerie that left very little to the imagination. And in front of an audience.

She wasn't sure why she had accepted the invitation that had come through her many connections to walk the runway as a guest star. Sure, it was something she always liked to do, to experience the Victoria Secret magic; throughout her life she had been told countless times that she had the looks and the passion to do it… But tonight there was something else: that feeling that something was about to happen in her life, although she had no reason to believe it would be connected to this show. However, adding to that sentiment, since the beginning of the week, whether it was when she was doing the fittings, doing the make-up tests or simply hanging out with the crew, she had been aware of that unplesant feeling of being watched and having her every moves followed.

The commotion caused by the lights and music marking the beginning of the show brought her back to reality. All of the sudden, the backstage room became a pandemonium: make-up artists and hair stylists rushing to add the finishing touches; models running to get in place; assistants making sure the tiny pieces were covering the very little not exposed.

Following the indication, Serena put on her game face and started strutting down the runway. She was hearing the beating of her own heart, the adrenaline was running high on her body, it was an exhilarating feeling, the feeling that she needed to loosen herself and give the audience the show they came for. She was Serena van der Woodsen and she was feeling like such: powerful, carefree, light like the wind! She didn't notice, or wanted to notice the people in the audience, they were faces, mere faces to please, faces to play with. And that was her game!

It was then that she felt that feeling again, every time she walked towards the backstage to change. At first she dismissed it, being watched, stared at came with the territory, but it wouldn't go away. She searched the room for someone but all she got was the sensation of someone peering into her.

When the show finished under thunderous applause, she went to the after-show party. Carrying that runway "I own you" sensation to the dance floor, laughing and feeling good, she danced all night long, her body swaying to the music, her blonde mane flying around her like a cascade. And then it hit her again, only this time she caught him. She was sure it was him. A gorgeous, tall guy with dark hair. The perfectly tailored clothes fitting his perfectly built body... His piercing emerald green eyes defying and never leaving her blue ones. She knew him, although she couldn't exactly place from where.

He joined her on the dance floor; no words were spoken, only suggestive looks passed between them as his hands strongly held onto her hips, holding her in place while their bodies moved and grinded against each other. He hid his face in her neck, his hot breath against her sweaty skin causing her to shiver. He smelled like a hot summer night. With one of her hands she slowly started caressing his back while he planted wet kisses along her neck. The soft moan she let out was all he needed to capture her lips into a deep kiss. He was intoxicating. "Do you want to get out of here?" he whispered against her ear. He was driving her crazy. She knew what he meant and maybe it was the atmosphere, the drinks she had had, or maybe it was simply the fact that she missed a body next to hers, but Serena found herself nodding in agreement before following him out of the club.

Note: As always **Hannah**, my writing buddy, it's never too much to thank you for all the help and patience!


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

If you are to be judged by your possessions, well then Dan Humphrey hasn't quite made it yet. No UES townhouse, no private plane or millions in the bank. But the thing is, those were never his aspirations. All he ever wanted was to be able to pursue his literary ambitions and write the next big American novel. He graduated _magna cum laude_ from Dartmouth and it was now his name that signed the opinion columns of several distinguished publications. Little by little he was becoming a familiar name in the literary circles.

Dan was sitting in his office trying to work on his novel. The silence was soothing, but not what he needed right now. He stood up and checked his watch. It was late. Taylor was supposed to be home by now. He went to the kitchen and grabbed a beer. When he was trying to decide whether or not he was hungry he heard the sound of a key opening the door.

"Hey baby!" Taylor entered the kitchen and threw her bag to the counter while removing her shoes. She walked over toward Dan and gave him a kiss.

"How was the show?" Dan kissed her back.

"Fantastic! I can't believe you didn't want to go!" Taylor opened the refrigerator and got herself some orange juice.

"You know me; one pretty lady at home is more than enough…"

"Shut up! I know I couldn't have given you much attention, things are always pretty hectic backstage, but it would be nice to have you there once in a while."

"I promise I'll be there next time. Scout's honor!"

"You were never a boy scout!" she laughed.

"That's not the point! Besides I want you all for myself… I don't want to have to share you with all those models and press people. That's a crazy world!"

"That I love, don't forget that! If people knew how hard it is to organize a show like tonight's!"

"I know baby… And I love you for being so damn good at it" he apologized.

Taylor was a fashion director. She met Dan at an event almost two years ago. After a year dating, they decided things between them were serious enough for them to move in together. Although they navigated in two very different worlds, they supported and admired each other for their decisions and career commitment. What the future would hold for them was still a question mark. She felt she was investing in the relationship, but she also knew her career was demanding and time was a luxury.

"You know what? I'm hungry. Are you interested in a late, pizza delivery?" Taylor asked.

"I would love some pizza right now."

"Count me in." Dan told her.

"Okay." Taylor dug her cell phone out of her bag. She began to dial a number.

"It will be here in fifteen. I'm going for a quick shower. Will you open the door?"

"Sure."

Sat at the kitchen table, they were sharing a pizza and a bottle of red wine.

"How was your day?"

"Not the most productive one. I wanted to incorporate some foreshadowing elements in this chapter I'm writing, but I didn't quite succeed. So instead I finished that other piece for the newspaper."

"I'm sure you'll come up with something good. You always do. But sometimes the best thing is just to lie down a bit, relax and inspiration will come."

"Speaking of relaxing, I need to know your agenda or I won't be able to go ahead with our travel plans. I'm looking forward to spending some alone time with you."

"I know, me too. Let me look at my schedule. I know I have a few days off after next Thursday, but you have some meetings."

Taylor turned on her laptop and in minutes she was looking over her schedule. "Yep, in the next days I'll be out and about with errands and appointments. You know, post show stuff. Then I have the charity event and in a month I'll be flying to Mexico to this photo shoot production. I'll be there three days. After that I think we can work on something. If your agenda is clear then."

"Maybe I could join you in Mexico when the production is over and we'll spend some time there. What do you think?"

"It sounds good, but it could even better if you flew with me. How hard can it be to hang out in Mexico, in a beautiful location with all the perks? I'll have to be there for the production work, but after that we'll have the rest of the days for ourselves and then it's just you and me."

"It's a good plan."

"Really? Aww, great, so you can make the travel arrangements. Oh, no, no, I'll just give your name to my secretary and she'll take care of everything!" she said excitedly leaning over to kiss Dan.

"Great! What photo shoot is that anyway?"

"It's for Vogue."

"Any models I know?"

"Have you heard of Serena van der Woodsen? She was a blast today!"


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

Waking up the next morning, she found herself alone in the bed, lying on some silk sheets. She rolled over and pushing the thick curtain of blonde hair away from her face she could see that the sun was already shinning high on the sky. She looked around confused trying to remember where she was. That's when the events of the previous night came to her mind. She couldn't believe that she had slept with a stranger! She didn't even know his name! With a heavy heart she reminded herself that this was nothing new to her, in her wild years it was something she would do and not even think about it afterwards. But she wasn't that person anymore, or so she thought. She had been doing well not embarrassing herself with such behavior. What was she thinking? She couldn't believe she had been so stupid and careless, she didn't even know if they had used protection. With tears running down her face she got out of bed and put on her dress which was lying on a chair. She grabbed her purse before slipping out of the room.

"Hey, you're awake!" The stranger was coming out of the bathroom with only a towel around his waist, water still glistening off his body. She knew she was staring at his chest…

"Hey, yes… I am" she mumbled, wiping off the tears from her face.

"The bathroom is free. Do you want to have a shower?"

"Hmm, maybe I should be going… I can have a shower at home, but thanks."

"Are you leaving, already? Why don't you join me for brunch? I can prepare something for us. Or if you don't trust my cooking skills we can go out. By the way, I'm Adam" he said offering her his hand for a handshake.

She shook his hand. "I'm Serena."

"I know!" he said smiling.

"You know? How? Hmm ok, but really, I need to go… Look, about last night, I just want to say…"

"No! No!" he cut her off. "Let me tell you that you're good, really good Serena!"

"Excuse me?" she felt her cheeks flush red. The sun light beaming through the windows illuminating the hall was a sharp contrast to the darkness she was feeling inside.

"Do you know how much convincing you can be trying to convince yourself that it was not what you wanted?" he asked with a playful smile on his face. He had a beautiful smile. Sexy and provocative. The dark, chiseled unshaven face adding to his appeal.

She stared at him puzzled. "I'm sorry but I'm not following you."

"Did you know that I had been checking you all week, trying to find the best opportunity to ask you out? When yesterday I saw you there dancing, so carefree, so beautiful I knew it was my chance! And to have you responding to me, teasing me all the way to my place…"

"Wait, it was you? I had a feeling someone was spying on me! I think I saw you a few times backstage."

"Yep, that was me!"

"But what are you saying? What exactly did I do last night? Apart from the obvious, I guess…"

"Well, what happened was that when we arrived here you somehow started having second thoughts about us having sex and honestly Serena I was disappointed! How could you be so much into me and then pull away? Because believe me, I had no doubts you wanted me as much as I wanted you!"

Once again, she felt the heat rise to her cheeks. "So, nothing happened last night?" The relief she felt could only be compared to the need to apologize to him. She let her body fall on the chair next to her and covered her face with her hands. A deep sight of relief could be heard.

"You're really doing nothing for my ego" he sighed pretending to be hurt and upset.

"Oh my God Adam, no, no, it has nothing to do with you! It's just me, this is a long story. I'm so sorry for last night, I'm sorry for letting things go so far and then you know, pull away… And thank you for letting me stay here." She tried to get up when he kneeled in front of her and held her hand kissing it.

"Hey, I'll be devastated if you don't have brunch with me. Let's start all over again and forget last night. Please?"

She smiled. "Well, I guess it's the least I can do, right? So, are you any good in the kitchen?"

"Follow me and I'll show you."


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

"The President invited us to have dinner together." Taylor teased her boyfriend, trying to snap him out of his thoughts. She felt she was having a conversation with herself. "Dan! Did you hear me?"

"What?" They were curled up on the sofa of their living room, Dan pretending to watch a film, Taylor just chatting enjoying the proximity of her boyfriend's body next to hers.

"I said the President invited us for dinner!"

"Oh, yeah? What did you say? That he had to come over first?"

She turned around to face him. "I said I would have to confirm with you. It's so hard to have you free for an event like that! Actually, lately it has been hard to have you at all… What's going on honey?" she asked caressing his chest.

"Nothing, I'm fine." He soothed her hair and kissed her on the forehead.

"No you're not. Something is bothering you. You've been too quiet this past week. Tell me."

"It's nothing. I'm tired. I'm looking forward to our vacation."

"So am I! It will be great to enjoy some quality time you. No rush, no appointments, just the two of us."

Little did Taylor know that she wasn't the only person in Dan's mind and it wouldn't be just the two of them. He had been marveled and terrified at the idea of seeing his high school love again. How would she react? Should he tell Taylor about her? He decided it was better not to. He would wait to see how things would play out.

"Tell me, how does the photo shooting work? Will you have to be there in advance? When do they start the shooting?"

"Well, all the crew including me will have to be there in advance. We have to prepare everything so that the day the models are scheduled to arrive everything is ready."

"So, they will arrive only on the shooting day?"

"A day before, for the last minute fittings. Why?"

"I'm just trying to know how it works. Didn't you want me to attend your shows, to be there with you when you work?"

"Yeah, I did. I think you will like it. We have a fantastic crew and Serena is so fun to work with. You'll have the opportunity to meet a top model!"

"Serena van der Woodsen, right?"

"Oh please Dan!" Taylor slapped him playfully on his arm. "Do you think I haven't seen you flipping through the pages of that magazine and staring at her?"

"Hey, I was just curious! It's not every day that your girlfriend takes you to work to hang out with some celebrities. What's she like, by the way?" Dan tried to look casual.

"Serena? Oh, she's fantastic, very professional, very easy to deal with, she's a great girl. You will like her."

For their sake he hoped he wouldn't like to see her that much.

Caressing her hair, twisting strands around his fingers he asked cautiously: "Does she travel with a big entourage? Family, boyfriend, agents?"

"Occasionally. I've seen her with her friend Blair; she introduced me to her brother once. And yes, her manager might be there, but not always."

"No boyfriend?" Hopefully she wouldn't find the question too strange he thought. He had tried to find out if Serena was dating anyone, but all he could find was the traditional gossip involving her with a few well known names, but it seemed she wasn't in any relationship. At least a serious one.

"I don't know. I've seen plenty of guys trying their luck with her but she keeps it very low profile. She doesn't talk very much about her private life."

"Enough about top models! Do you want to go out?"

"Hmm, I had other plans actually…"

"Really? Care to be more specific?"

Taylor moved closer to him and bit his lower lip, "I'll show you…"

***

"What are your plans for the next couple of weeks?" Serena asked Adam. They were hanging out at a bar, after a relaxing dinner for two.

"I'm leaving for Cambodia next Thursday" he said spinning the glass in front of him.

"Really?" Serena's interest was peaked. They had spoken about Adam's work before.

"Another of your missions?" she smiled watching him take a sip from his wine glass.

"Yes, and this time it's to actually see and photograph the result of a long and hard project. We're very proud to show our many donors, sponsors, volunteers, the end result."

"It must be really amazing! To see all the hard work pay off and know the impact it will have on so many people's lives", she reached his hand to give it an encouraging squeeze.

Adam trapped her hand between his two not releasing it. "It is; it is."

Serena pulled her hand free and gave him a shy smile. "How can you find satisfaction doing fashion shows and photo shoots after being a part of such amazing projects?"

"Well, it's never the same, it's creative, it pays the bills and besides, if it wasn't for it I would never have met you…" he whispered the last words.

Serena lowered her head playing with the napkin in front of her. She liked Adam, but could she trust him? He was an experienced educated man, she could see that. Since the day they met they had been together practically every day and he had been the perfect gentleman. But he was circling around her: a flower bought from a street vendor; a hand resting a little too long on her arm, on her waist; his fingers carefully but firmly intertwining hers when they were walking side by side; a lingering good night kiss on her cheek. She wanted to be careful, she had her heart broken before and it hurt, a lot. She didn't want to walk that path again; however she hadn't been that interested in someone since… well since someone she didn't want to remember now.

"You know what?" she asked him lifting her eyes to meet his. "I know the right person to give you all the help you need for your work."

"You do?"

"My mom! If there's a thing she knows is charity work! I can introduce you to her and you can show her all the projects you're involved in, what you need, what has to be done." She couldn't hide the excitement in her voice.

"You want me to meet your mom, Lily van der Woodsen? After only a few dates?" he asked playfully.

"No silly! I mean yes, but we're not dating!" she laughed.

Adam reached up to smooth her hair, ending the gesture by cupping her chin. "But I would love to…"

"Meet my mom?"

"Yes, and dating you."

"Adam, we've known each other for a little more than a week…"

"And we've seen each other every day. I don't need much time to know what I want. I want you Serena… I'll wait until you're ready for me. But I have every intention of wining your trust, your affection… "

He leaned over towards her and planted a soft kiss on her lips. Just a brief touch of their lips, but so full of unspoken promises.

"I'll miss you Adam…" her dreamy voice giving her away.

"Why don't you come with me? You're free until Mexico."

"To Cambodia?"

"Yes, I know it's a long trip away from the world you're used to, but we would be together, we would get to know each other better, you would see me in the field doing something that means so much to me. And you'd see firsthand what was done to report to you mother and sell me to her in the best of lights!"

She giggled. "Oh, so that's the real reason!"

"Did you think I had any other intention?" he smirked.

"So, what do you say? Will you go to Cambodia with me?"

Her answer was a mere whisper but he heard it as if she'd shouted. "I'd love to."


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N - This chapter is rated M for sexual content. Don't read it if you're underage.**

I want to thank the people who are reviewing this story. I know you're all waiting for DS to reunite, I promise you it will happen in the next chapter.

**Chapter Five**

Serena is standing in front of Adam's door. They had been growing closer, dancing around each other, wishing, wanting, hiding. Every touch, every whisper, every look though had not gone unnoticed by either of them. Her senses had been overly heightened whenever she had been around him, and lately that had been all the time. Traveling through the region in the back of trucks; eating in community centers; spending the nights in sleeping bags around a fire under the moonlight. This was a world miles and miles away from the world Serena called home, and yet she had never felt so at peace and content. They talk about everything: the news, their projects, funny anecdotes, and most importantly: they are slowly trusting each other, comfortable enough to start baring their souls. Serena feels she is now ready to bare more than just her soul to him. She squares her shoulders and knocks. Adam opens the door.

"Hey, can I come in?" she asks.

He steps back, allowing her to enter. He looks at her, her hair, which she normally wears pulled back because of the heat is falling free. The light from the moon in his room picks up on some of its highlights.

"Couldn't sleep?" he smiles softly.

"No."

"Bad dream?"

"No, just intense… and wet…" she smiles back.

He tries, he really tries not to notice how the t-shirt she is wearing clings to every curve on her body. It stops at the top of her thighs, revealing her long and perfect toned legs. Serena is conscious to just how tempting she looks to him right now. And she plans to take full advantage of that fact. He is just in his boxers. Her eyes roam over his body, eyeing and admiring the outline of his form, the perfect contour of his arms, his chest smooth but lightly dusted with small hair, the legs long and strong. Not wasting any time, she takes off her t-shirt and tosses it aside, showing him her glorious naked body bathed by the moonlight that lights the small room. Her eyes move upwards meeting his, already clouded with desire. Slowly she approaches him, slides her hands around his waist and presses her lips against his. Adam gladly welcomes her and palms her buttocks rubbing and squeezing them, his tongue mating with hers in a duel neither of them wants to lose. One of Serena's hands runs across his back while the fingers of the other run through his hair. They keep probing each other with their tongues until Serena gasps for air.

"Do you know how good you feel?" he whispers in her ear, closing his eyes and absorbing the heat emanating from her body.

Her response is to slip off his boxers and cup him. He groans as he feels his arousal thicken.

"Are you sure?" he asks in a husky voice.

"Yes" she nods realizing the significance of what they are about to do.

Adam carries her over to the small and narrow wooden bed next to the window and carefully places her down on it. When he is about to make her feel his weight on top of her, Serena pushes him and lowers herself onto him to straddle him. He looks at her surprised and bemused. She starts planting butterfly kisses all over his face, his nose, down to his chin. While her hands slide over his chest, tracing every rib, every defined muscle, with her tongue she draws a wet path back to his lips. Adam kisses her with raw passion. Serena wraps her arms around his neck and his hands slide down to grab her ass, bringing her closer to his pulsating crotch. They both moan at his hardness pressed against her entrance. Serena throws her head back, completely exposing her breasts to Adam's mouth; he kisses and sucks each of them causing her mouth to open in a silent scream. Serena makes her way down to his chest; she teases and bites his nipples, his belly button is treated to the pleasures of her sharp tongue, until she finally reaches the heart of his desire. With her head between his legs, she starts off teasing him by placing kisses and licking on his inner thighs, before turning her attention to his full length. Adam's moans become louder. With his hand tightened in her hair, she looks up at him and smiles at the pleading expression in his face for her to take him into her mouth. She bends down and finally closes her mouth around his head, leaving him close to the edge. After slowly torturing him, she inches her way down the entire length of his manhood making love to it with her lips and tongue. His head is laid back; his eyes are closed in total oblivion, his hands still entangled in her hair. When he is so close to falling out of control, Adam pulls her head away.

"Not yet. I want us to come together. Inside of you…" Serena just nods her head in agreement. His hands brush her hair back as he pulls her up and lays her back on the bed. "Now it's my turn." He whispers against her neck. Serena gasps loudly when his hand cups her wet sex, sending waves of bliss throughout her body. Her eyes fly open and she lets out a loud groan when his fingers enter her, sweetly torturing her to unprecedented pleasures. With her body aching for immediate satisfaction, Adam removes them leaving her in a state of irreparable loss. But only to replace them with his tongue; licking her slow and softly. She arches her hips off the bed, her hands desperately clenching the sheet beneath her. "Please Adam! Please!" she begs. Adam moves up and spreads her legs still wider and without preamble slams right into her. She wraps her thighs around his body and her arms around his neck as their mouths attack each other, the pleasure building with each thrust. "Give me all you have! Faster Adam, faster!" Grabbing her legs, he lifts them up and throws them over his shoulders, smashing even harder into her in response to her pleas. A tidal wave of climactic ecstasy crashes over their bodies. Serena screams. When he feels her about to climax, his last reserve of willpower breaks; he grabs a strong hold of her hips and vigorously thrusts one last time, rendering her to cry out and dig her fingernails into the flash of his back while her toes curl in elation. His whole body jerks uncontrollably as he collapses atop of her whispering her name in her ear. And for a few sweet and tender minutes, they just hold each other, while still deeply embedded in one another.

*******

Serena wakes up with the sun light streaming through the window and a heavy, protective weight around her waist. She feels well satiated, but more than a little exhausted and deliciously sore between her thighs. She slowly turns her head to see Adam sleeping. Her eyes travel all over his face. He looks peaceful, boyish. His lashes are long, his jaw strong, his lips… Serena pauses and blushes when she remembers what those lips did to her during the night… again, and again they brought her to peaks of ecstasy she hadn't experienced in a long time. Those same lips form into a smile as he wakes up with her staring at him. Serena turns her body around to face him.

"Hello" he whispers softly.

"Hello" she smiles back.

They just stare at each other for a while. It is an easy silence, both knowing what the other is thinking.

His hands move to bring her face closer to his; his mouth comes down to hers and kisses her tenderly. She closes her eyes and loses herself in his kiss. Adam moves to lie completely on top of her. They deepen the kiss. Nothing else exists; it is just the two of them, two lovers finally together. Softening the kiss, they slowly break away coming up for air. Their eyes move across each other's faces, so warm and so caring.

"There's something I want to tell you" he speaks in a soft voice.

Serena's heart stops for a moment, afraid of what he can tell her. What if she was wrong? What if she has let him play with her heart and now he is going to crush it? No, she has to trust. As if sensing her fear, he lifts her chin and looks into her eyes with reassurance. He strikes her cheeks softly. She leans into the caress and kisses his palm, hoping for the best.

"You're not a fling for me Serena, I'm not a boy anymore, I have plans, plans that include you in my life" he pauses, looking into her eyes, searching for a reaction. He isn't ready to tell her yet; still too afraid of her response, but love is definitely what he is feeling for her, with every passing day it is growing inside of his heart. Love. Lust. Sweet abandonment. A mixture he didn't remember feeling in his life.

"I have plans too, new plans that I didn't have just two weeks ago, and you're part of them Adam. They need maturing, but you're definitely part of them" she whispers back. Smiling he leans down and briefly kisses her.

"I can make you happy Serena, let me…" he says in a serious voice.

"This is the happiest I've been in a long time Adam."

They kiss again, a kiss different from any other. They pour all of their feelings, everything they have in it. When their lips part, their foreheads touch and savoring the moment they just look at each other, a smile on their faces. They both know they had made a choice. A choice that includes the other in their lives.


	6. Chapter 6

I'm sorry it took me this long to update. But I can tell you that you won't have to wait this long for the next chapter :D Thank you so much to the people who have been reviewing.

**Chapter Six**

"Adam?" Taylor was entering the hotel lobby when she noticed the man sitting on the sofa working on his laptop.

"Yes?" Adam raised his head to see who was talking to him.

"Adam, is that you?"

"Taylor, hi!" He stood up to greet her.

"What are you doing here? Working?"

"Well, this time I'm not working, not officially anyway, but you know, my camera and I are inseparable."

"I know. Look, I'm in a hurry now but maybe we could meet later, have a drink and talk?" she suggested.

"Sure, but I'll bring company, if it's OK with you?"

Smirking she asked: "Oh, got yourself a girlfriend? Someone I know?"

"You're working with her right now!"

"Really?" Taylor tried to remember who could be. Maybe one of her assistants?

Unable to hide a proud smile he said: "I'm with Serena…"

"OMG, you two are together? And we haven't noticed? You're good" she mocked.

"It's pretty recent, it's not like we're telling the world."

"Instead of having a drink, let's have dinner together. I'm with my boyfriend too, let's meet, the four of us. What do you think?"

"That's a good idea, but let me check with Serena first."

"OK, I'll see her in a few minutes too. I'll tell her. We'll talk later."

"Nice to see you."

*******

Shirtless, bare feet and holding a cocktail on his hand, Dan was overlooking the pristine turquoise waters of the Ocean at his doorstep. Sitting on the veranda of the cottage built from native stone, his eyes were fixed on the figure moving gracefully on the sugar soft sandy beach. The silence was only interrupted by the frantic click of the cameras capturing the blonde posing in an array of colorful swimsuits and bikinis. It was a music less dance between lens and muse with only the waves as soundtrack. For minutes he just watched her, captivated by her poise, mesmerized by her beauty. The "tilt your head", "give me another smile" instructions from the photographer brought Dan back from the reverie he had immersed himself thinking about the girl that years ago was his world. He knew now that there was someone in her life, he had seen them walking together on the beach, holding hands, laughing. She was happy. At that sight his heart narrowed in his chest, a feeling of loss overcame his senses.

"I was looking for you!" Taylor said joining him on the sofa.

"I was here all the time." He wrapped her in an embrace that brought her closer to him.

"Are you watching the photo shoot?"

"Yeah… There's no way not to, with everything happening right in front of our door…"

"You know, we could have dinner with Serena and Adam before they leave…"

"Who's Adam?" he knew all too well the answer to that question.

"Adam is Serena's boyfriend. I was surprised to see him here. I had no idea they were together."

"Do you know him?" he asked casually.

"Yes, I've worked with him a few times, he's a photographer. But what do you say? Dinner, yes or no?"

"Sure, why not?"

*******

"What are you doing?" Serena asked walking languidly towards Adam, a smile on her face, the sun kissing her skin.

"Nothing!" surprised to see her in front of him Adam hid the papers behind his back and showed her his empty hands.

"Liar! I saw you writing, or drawing."

"You're not seeing very well, Miss van der Woodsen! No wonder, all this sun is blinding you!"

"You know I'll find out… "

She sat on his lap and putting her arms around his neck she pulled him in for a kiss.

"I am so, so, so glad you're here… I want to make love to you…" she said between kisses.

"Can't you skip work?" He let his hand run up and down her naked thigh while his lips hungrily met hers.

"Hmm, you're so good, but we have to stop for now." When he felt her pulling away he moved to try to stop her.

"No, no, no…just one more..."

That's all Serena needed to steal the papers from behind his back!

"I got it!" she laughed and ran away from him.

"You little vixen! You played me to get that."

Serena was running and giggling. All of a sudden she stopped. Adam that was right behind her came to a halt just in time to avoid bumping into her.

"Adam…" she stopped laughing bringing her hand to her mouth.

"It was supposed to be a surprise…"

"Adam this is… Were you doing this while I was working?"

"I was just giving it a few retouches… I did it while you were sleeping." He hugged her from behind and rested his chin on her shoulder. "That's the way I see you…" he whispered into her ear.

Serena turned around. Her mouth opened and then closed as she shook her head and smiled.

"Sleeping?"

"Calm, serene, natural… so in peace with yourself…" He placed a finger under her chin and tilted it up to tenderly touch her lips with his. His thumb traced her bottom lip, then flew down and lightly brushed her right breast.

"You drew me smiling…"

"Didn't you know you smile when you're sleeping?"

"Not that I was aware of..." Serena sighed and melted into him. He placed a long, loving kiss on her forehead before carefully lifting her head so that she would be looking at him.

"These weeks with you made me realize what I was missing in my life. You know when things just feel right, when you can't even imagine how life was before you met a certain someone? When waking up in the morning has a new purpose? It's so simple…, I love you Serena… "

Serena listened in silence, closing her eyes against the build up of tears. His hand cupped her cheek, his thumb stroking away a stray tear that insisted in escaping.

"Adam, I…"

"Shhh…" he silenced her mouth with the caressing touch of his finger on her lips. "Don't say anything. You don't have to…"

"But I want to… Adam, I…"

"Serena! Serena! Here you are! Come, we have to finish while we have this wonderful light." They were interrupted by an assistant who was looking for Serena.

"Oh, look at your make-up! What have you been doing?" He looked at her, then at Adam.

"I guess I have a pretty good idea… Come…"

She felt a certain relief. All of a sudden the playful tone of their conversation turned into something very serious. Was she ready to tell Adam those words?

"I have to go. We'll talk later." She kissed him. "Take care of this for me…" She gave him the drawings back.

"I will. I'll be waiting for you…"

"I know" and she left blowing him a kiss.

*******

As he entered the hotel lounge he took a glance through the room and immediately found her, even though she had her back turned to him; that blonde mane was unmistakable. She was sitting at the bar with him, obviously engaged in a little mutual flirtation. He watched as his hand ever so gently rubbed her thigh, lazily resting there when he leaned over to plant a kiss on her awaiting lips. The sound of her laugh made him feel a tingle in his heart. He thought he would be ready to see her again. But he was not. Not with another man. His hand searched for Taylor's and held it tightly.

"Serena! Adam! Hi! I'm sorry we're a bit late."

Both Serena and Adam turned around. Adam stepped down off the bar stool while Serena's movements froze, her eyes widening in shock. In the very moment their eyes met, the glass that she was holding landed on the shinny floor in a thousand little pieces. He looked taller than she remembered his chocolate eyes with those generous lashes, his well groomed hair, the strong jaw. He was wearing a white shirt and pants that emphasized his tanned skin. Adam and Taylor followed the glass smashing on the floor, while Dan and Serena held each other's eyes captive, she too taken aback to move or speak.

"That's no problem Miss. I'll take care of it…" the bartender spoke in a reassuring voice.

"I'… I… I'm sorry" she mumbled, looking for Adam's hand as if it would assure her that this was not happening, that the person in front of her was a vision, and not the man that she once promised a forever**.**

"Serena, Adam, this is Dan, Dan, this is Serena and Adam" Taylor introduced them.

"Hello Dan!" Adam reached out to shake his hand. "Nice to meet you."

"Hello, nice to meet you too" Dan shook his hand back.

"And hello Serena, it's a pleasure to finally meet you. Taylor talks a lot about you." His expression was calm but his eyes conveyed a message his words couldn't…

"Oh, I think Dan has a little crush on you Serena! I caught him looking at you in the magazines!"

"Taylor, please, doesn't embarrass me."

"I hope I won't disappoint you… It's a big responsibility you know, to carry so many expectations… sometimes people aren't exactly what we think they are, or who they are…" she said sarcastically unable to take her eyes off his face.

"I'm pretty sure you won't, right? How could that happen?" He could tell by the look in her eyes that she was tense and furious maybe?

"Excuse me, your table is ready. If you want to follow me please" the waiter interrupted them.

Adam protectively put his hand on Serena's waist to guide her towards the table. A gesture that didn't go unnoticed to Dan.

Dan gave Serena one last look before turning in the direction of the table. Their eyes had lost contact but he could still feel his heart pounding faster despite the apparent composure.

Serena was aware her breathing had become more rapid. She felt dizzy, her mouth was dry, her head was spinning. She couldn't understand what had just happened. Why did he pretend they were meeting for the first time? Why? He obviously knew she was there.

They all sat at the dinning table, Serena avoiding Dan's gaze, Dan avoiding Serena's.

"I'm starving. What do you want Serena?" Adam asked. "And please, not spaghetti again!" he laughed.

"Really? Spaghetti? Aren't models always on a diet?" Dan asked lifting his brow.

"Not this one, I've always had a healthy appetite, especially for things that I know won't be good for my hips… or my heart…"

He tried to read the expression on her face but he couldn't, she was looking at the menu with a forced interest.

They all ordered.

"Adam, Serena told me you've just arrived from Cambodia" Taylor said.

"That's right. I convinced Serena to go with me to. We had an amazing time; it was a perfect mixture of pleasure and business. Let's say that place will forever have a special meaning." He looked adoringly at her putting an arm around her. Dan didn't want to acknowledge the tightening of his stomach at the sight before him. He knew he shouldn't care and it wasn't none of his business who she was with.

"Oh really?" he couldn't avoid.

"Yeah, that's where it all started between us. Best decision of my life to take her there."

"Honey, I don't think they're interested in the details" Serena said smiling.

"Yes we are!" Taylor jumped in with an eager curiosity.

"Let's only say I didn't win her over with expensive dinners and lavish presents. I think it was the heat to be honest! It broke her resistance and mellowed her!"

"Definitely the heat! You know, some people like the cold, the snow, others the heat. I'm a heat person; it has a strange effect on me!"

Serena watched Dan out the corner of her eyes.

"I'm a heat person too, but Dan loves snow, do you know every year he prays for a white Christmas in New York?"

"Aww, that's sweet. I think it has a special magic, don't you agree? The kind of magic that lasts forever" she said mischievously.

"No doubt" he replied coolly. " "Taylor, baby, I don't remember you complaining about waking to a White Christmas" he smiled and kissed her softly on the lips.

Serena frowned; she raised the glass to her lips, her tongue avidly meeting the red liquid.

"How could I? It's so romantic, the snowflakes falling, Dan in my arms… You know, Dan has this thing for Christmas, he says he has the best memories about it."

Serena almost chocked on her wine. She could feel Dan's heated stare at her but she refused to acknowledge him.

"You know what, we're in Mexico, it's hot, let's forget the snow and Christmas, and Christmas mornings. I'm sure Dan has his reasons and I'm sure he would like to keep them for him. Just for him, right Dan? Why share? Some things better remain a secret. Waiter, please, bring another bottle!"

Adam watched sensing something was wrong with Serena. He never saw her act that way before with anyone. She was always nice to everyone she met, but with Dan she was downright cold, barely acknowledging his presence for the rest of the night. He wasn't stupid he could tell there was something bothering her.

From then on Adam and Taylor did the most of the conversation. He was telling her about his field experiences which slowly but surely started annoying Dan as he obviously had all of Taylor's attention and Serena's interest. He leaned on his chair acting like he was paying attention.

All the time Serena could feel his eyes on her and she tried to ignore him pretending to listen to what Adam was saying. The entire night was becoming a nerve wrecking experience and she couldn't take it anymore.

She turned to Adam: "Baby, if you want you can keep Taylor and Dan company. I'm too tired and tomorrow morning I still have my last shooting. Dan, it was a pleasure to meet you, you and Taylor make a lovely couple. You should have told me about him Taylor!"

"And you about Adam!"

"Touché! Let's not be so secretive anymore, what do you think?" she asked Taylor, but her eyes were discretely darting at Dan… She could see he was uncomfortable. She saw him sweating, looking at the things in the room as if he was seeing them for the first time.

"I'll go with you. Dan and I are on holiday but you and Taylor still have to work tomorrow." He raised and grabbed her hand to help her.

"We'll go too. It was really good and we should do this again in New York."

"Dan, maybe we could have a beer tomorrow while the ladies are working?"

"I'm sorry but I already have an appointment for tomorrow morning. Maybe another time, OK? Have a good night. Serena, Adam." He looked at them and holding Taylor's hand they left.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

He woke up, his body tense, his mind in complete disarray. Getting up without disturbing Taylor, Dan went into the bathroom to splash cold water on to his face. Looking up he stared at his reflection in the bathroom mirror**. **What he saw was a man in emotional turmoil. He would have to get her out of his mind, he thought. Walking out onto their private balcony, he stood watching the Ocean waves roll calmly up onto the deserted beach below.

What was he doing? That's the question that kept popping into his mind over and over again. He wouldn't have to dig deep to find the answer though. The more he tried to convince himself it was natural to feel the way he did after seeing her again after years apart, the more he knew it wasn't. She was his past**. **Now he was in a relationship and he had a girlfriend that he didn't want to hurt. A girlfriend that he loved. But he also had an ex-girlfriend, who seemed to be in a happy relationship, that he couldn't get out of his mind.

He walked down to the beach, his hands in his pockets, the moonlight reflecting on his dark hair. He took a deep breath. What was he supposed to do? Throw himself at her? Stalk her? Suggest a meeting? No, that's not what he wanted…well…he did but… she simply wasn't available… and neither was he. Could he deny his feelings? Do nothing?

*******

She held him for a moment longer, to make sure he was asleep before leaving the bed and walking out onto the balcony of their bedroom. The night breeze blew quietly over her skin. Serena knew she wouldn't be able to sleep. She was afraid to close her eyes and see him. Why did he resurface in her life exactly when she had finally met the person who was making her happy and loved? And why did it disturb her so much? She knew she was happy with Adam. She tried not to be so hard on herself, she couldn't have reacted any other way at the sudden sight of him in front of her; she was shocked, she was only human. It was only expected. Right?

She went back to the room and silently put on Adam's shirt. She looked at him sleeping and a tender smile lighted up her face. Serena left the room, she wanted to walk on the beach, alone, she needed to order her thoughts; there was still the morning to come before they could leave and go on with their lives. She was determined to be happy, make Adam happy and let him make her happy. All she had to do was avoid him and leave**. **But still there were questions that played constantly on her mind: why did he pretend they didn't know each other? And why did she play along? Why did he come if he obviously knew she would be there? She needed answers.

*******

The figure walking in his direction told him that he wasn't alone anymore. He knew before he could even fully see that it was her; she was wearing just a large shirt that stopped at the top of her thighs. Her hair that was left unbound was floating gently around her shoulders.

Dan stopped waiting for her to see him. She did and stopped too. They both stood there. Staring at each other. He smiled before speaking. "Couldn't sleep?"

"No." She smiled softly. "You? Bad dream?"

"No, just the cruel reality." His intense stare warmed at her smile.

"Yes, wouldn't it be much better to just dream?"

"It depends. Only if it is a good dream." He ran his hand through his hair and awkwardly he asked: "Do you want to walk with me?"

"Yes." She tightened the shirt around her waist with both hands and looked down at the sand. "What is a good dream?" she prompted quietly.

"You." A simple answer. Her eyes roamed over his face but she didn't reply. They continued walking in silence, the waves crashing into their naked feet.

"Why did you pretend we had never met before?" she stopped and let her feet sink into the wet sand.

"I don't know. It seemed the right thing to do." He shoved his hands in his pockets and swung his foot up to kick an imaginary ball.

"It wasn't. Don't we know too well the consequences of lying, of omitting?" she sighed.

"Weren't you who once said it is better not to tell the truth if it is going to hurt someone?"

"I don't plan to hurt anyone."

"Sometimes that is not possible. Love always hurts, I came to the conclusion."

"Not the type of love that I want, not anymore."

"You're not alone." Sighing heavily he ran his hand over his chest "What do we do?"

"Nothing. You enjoy your holiday and I go home and live my life."

"That was not what I meant."

"I know. But that's the answer I have for you. The right answer, the only answer."

"Fine. But know this Serena, you'll have to face reality and explain to yourself why. A walk on the beach won't give you the answer."

"Good night Serena." He turned and walked back to his cottage, leaving Serena standing there wondering what to say.

"Goodnight Dan." She whispered.

She and Adam left for New York the next day.

*******

He watched her float around the room, stopping here and there to for some small talk. Her power to captivate those in her proximity had not deserted her**. **After their brief encounter on the beach in Mexico several weeks ago, he thought he would restore normalcy into his life, only to find that it would not be the same again. Moving smoothly through the crowded room, Dan finally came close to Serena. "Are you going to continue to ignore me? I've tried to contact you several times during the last weeks."

Serena turned around quickly when she heard his voice. "Dan! What are you doing here?" she asked surprised. "Where's Taylor?"

"I'm here by myself. I need to see you. Alone. We need to talk."

"Dan, I…"

"No excuses Serena. I mean it."

Serena nodded. "Okay… where? This isn't the place."

Dan pressed a small piece of paper into Serena's hand. "Meet me here tomorrow…seven pm." He turned and walked away.

Serena glanced down at the paper in her hand. Opening it she recognized the Astoria's address. She felt a sense of apprehension.

***

"Hi yourself." Stepping back he let her enter. He shut the door, took her purse and laid it across a vacant chair. He led her into the hotel's living room.

"Very beautiful."

"Do you want anything to drink?"

"Wine would be fine. Red, please." She watched as he poured two glasses of wine and gave her one.

"Thank you." Serena sat on the couch and placed the glass on the coffee table. "Why did you invite me here tonight? And how did you know where to find me? I think our last conversation was very clear. I don't feel comfortable with this. I've worked with Taylor enough times to know she's a great person and I don't like this."

Dan sipped his wine ignoring her questions. He chose his words carefully. "It was a shock to see you again, even if I had the time to prepare myself, but many memories were brought back, not only memories, but also the realization that what we had is still much a part of me, of who I am."

"Dan, what we…"

And I can't stand the thought of you and him" he said looking into her eyes, interrupting her.

"Dan, please… stop it. He has a name, it's Adam and I'm with him now. You better accept it because that's the way things are." She stood up, an uneasy feeling taking all over her. She felt her heart racing and her mouth drying. She turned back and picked up the glass of wine. She too couldn't deny that it had been a shock to see him. Never had she felt so nervous in her life. She couldn't sleep; she couldn't concentrate on what she had to do.

"It's true Serena. I was jealous when I saw you with him. I was jealous when he kissed you, I was jealous when he put his arm around your waist, I was jealous when he grabbed your hand and led you to your bedroom…"

"You have no right Dan! What's wrong with you?" she screamed annoyed.

"You are Serena. I wasn't expecting this to happen, I didn't plan this, but the fact that you are here, that you came means that you too are feeling something."

"You know what? This was a huge mistake. Just another one to add to my long list!" She grabbed her purse and headed to the door.

Dan ran and stopped her. "Serena, I'm sorry. I'm pushing you and I have no right. Please stay, let's talk." He touched her hand stopping her from reaching the door knob. His fingers moved across her palm. Serena felt like she had been hit by a light. Those hands, those fingers. Slowly she lifted her head and met his eyes, the eyes that once she loved so much, the eyes that looked at her like no one else did before. He closed his hand around her fingers capturing them in a caressing hold.

"I have nothing to offer you Dan and you don't have anything to give me."

"I have me to offer you" he muttered in a deep voice.

"You can't offer me what you don't have", she whispered pulling her fingers free from his.

"You have a partner."

"I won't, the moment you tell me not to…" Trying not to break the hypnotic hold he seemed to have on her, Dan raised his hand slowly to push the soft strands of hair from her face and guided her lips towards his. Serena couldn't stop a moan from escaping her throat but she had to pull away. She couldn't allow herself to be the cause of someone else's unhappiness. Not again.

Pushing against his chest and pulling her mouth away she broke all contact. "No, God knows we could do this, how easy it would be, but you have Taylor and I have Adam and no way I am going to hurt him."

Shaking his head, he refused to hear her words. "Stay with me tonight Serena. You'll see nothing has changed, you'll see you still love me and I love you."

"No Dan, things have changed. We're not the same people, it couldn't be the same. Are you willing to jeopardize everything you have with Taylor to later realize we would be a mistake?"

"Do you call this a mistake?" He captured her lips with passion, not for a moment giving her the chance to answer. She was trapped between him and the wall, one of his hands firmly around her waist, the other at the back of her head. His lips sucking her lower lip, his tongue seeking for entrance. At his insistence, she allowed him the entry, his tongue caressing and circling hers. Serena couldn't pull away if she wanted to. He wouldn't allow it. Held captive, she allowed herself to be dominated; giving into a kiss that soon became much more. Her hands once at her sides moved slowly up his back, caressing every muscle, encircling his neck. Dan's lips moved on to Serena's soft neck, his hands sought out the softness of her breasts; outlined to perfection in her form fitting dress. He could feel her erected nipples and the desire burning inside him.

Never breaking the kiss, Dan carried her over to the sofa. Serena tried to escape, but he immediately used his knees to spread her legs and rest his weight between them. He savaged her lips with his tongue, forcing his way in. She let out a deep moan; nothing tasted so sweet. She had to have him, just one more, final time. Her tongue met his as her hands began exploring his body, running up his arms, down his back. She felt his hands pushing her dress up and searching for the naked flesh of her buttocks. She groaned at the contact, "Daaaaan…"

She lifted her hips allowing him to remove her thong. He let his index finger slip inside her. He eased it out and then guided two back in. She swallowed a gasp, her hips rising from the sofa. Reaching between them he opened his pants with his other hand. His tongue moved in and out of her mouth. Unable to take it anymore, she removed his fingers from her and led them to her mouth, licking them while he pressed his hardness against her hot and wet core. She parted her legs wider, wrapping them around his waist and arching her back to better receive him. A desperate grunt cut through Dan's throat, he closed his eyes and clenched his teeth. "Serena, I want you, I need you!"

His voice brought her back to the reality of what they were doing. She had to stop him, she had to stop herself. What was she doing? In no time they would be past the point of no return and that was definitely not what she wanted. No, she wanted it, but she couldn't. "Dan, please…we have to stop…please."

He didn't want to hear her words! But the pleading in the eyes gazing at him with a mixture of lust, hurt and confusion made him stop. He pushed away from her and fastened his pants. He helped her with her clothes and with a defeated gaze he asked: "What are you planning to do? Ignore your feelings?"

"I go home to Adam and you go home to Taylor. And we stay away from each other."

"Just like that?" he kicked the glass on the floor.

"Yes…" She composed her hair and grabbed her purse from the floor. "It's for the best."

"Do you love him?"

"Dan… don't… please. It's none of your business!"

"You better love him very much Serena; and you better make sure he loves you, because I won't give up on you. No Adam in this world will stand between you and me!"


	8. Chapter 8

Thank you so much for the reviews, I'm so glad you are enjoying this story. I certainly am enjoying writing it, although it hasn't been easy. I want to thank Hannah for helping me with all my doubts, for the suggestions. We're reaching the decisive point!

**Chapter Eight**

"No, you're not going to hide here anymore Serena! You go home, you wait for Adam and you talk to him." Lily was pacing up and down the living room, a glass in her hand. She felt she was repeating herself again and again and Serena wouldn't listen.

"I can't. It's not that I don't want to tell him the truth, but it would crush him and he would probably leave me. I don't want that Mom. I really don't."

Lily put the glass down on the coffee table and sat next to her daughter. Looking into her eyes she grabbed her hands "And you'll lose him if he finds out any other way. Dan won't keep quiet; things can get pretty ugly if you don't do anything. You owe him that."

"He loves me so much, you should see Mom…" Serena's voice trailed off.

"I have seen it Serena, a blind can see it. But what about you Serena, do you love him? This is the all important question here…"

"Isn't that so overrated? It only counts as love if I say _I love you_ to someone? Every time I said it, and it didn't happen that often, it didn't make things last, did it? Yes, I like him, I care for him, and I want to be with him…"

"I'm talking about love Serena; the kind of love that makes you wake up in the morning and follow him until the end of the world. Is that what you want?"

"Cambodia was pretty far, don't you think?" she tried to joke. "You can't measure love Mom. People are different, the circumstances are different."

"So, what was your plan with Adam before Dan came up?" Lily sighed.

"No plan, just living. He's the man who wakes up next to me, who I confide my dreams and fears, who hasn't done anything but make me smile and feel special. I want to do the same for him."

"That's very telling don't you think? Would you want to do that if your feelings for him weren't deep? I don't think so Serena. You're afraid honey, you know when you say those words there's no way back. Face reality, don't try to understand what you feel, just let yourself feel… Open your heart, allow yourself to love and be loved. There's nothing more beautiful."

"I know. I know. But why am I in this emotional turmoil after seeing him again?"

"Because he was important to you. Because you met him in a time you were trying to get a grip on your life and he was there for you with his love, with his support. Because you loved him honey, you don't have to explain love."

"Dan was the one I thought would be my forever. Now I know such thing doesn't exist. What did I know, I was seventeen. But he'll always have that special place in my heart. I can't deny that. I don't even fight that."

Serena reached for the glass her mother had put on the table and downed the drink in one single gulp.

Lily arched an eyebrow in surprise. "Sometimes we know it better Serena."

"We're talking about what we had seven years ago, and it didn't end well… But now seeing him again… something is still there, my pulse raced, my heart beat fast, my mouth went dry… Yet, I don't know him, I don't know the person he is now and he doesn't know me. What if we're just infatuated with the idea of what we were? Are we going to lose it all to revisit the past?"

Lily stood up, exasperation in her voice: "I don't like and I don't want to see you like this. Lately you have been so balanced, so happy, eager to make things. Serena, you know what you have to do!"

"I do? I'm pretty sure I'm confused", she said.

"Yes you do! You have to go home and talk to Adam! Let him know what you're going through. There's no other easy way."

"I'm going to lose him Mom… I don't want that…"

"No you won't! And you'll only lose him if that's what is meant to be. Do you think he'll give up on you just like that?" Lily closed her eyes and took a deep breath: "I can't decide for you which path your heart should follow, but honey… you haven't seen Dan for years… and you're with Adam for a little more than a couple of months. Don't let them pressure you… take your time if you have to… But you have to tell Adam, things will become clearer in your mind with it all in the open. This burden, it will feel easier to carry, believe me. Promise me that."

"I will."

***

"Not now Adam." Serena tried to escape from his embrace. She knew she would have much explaining to do; she had been avoiding him in the couple of last days. She couldn't go on like that. She didn't want to go on with that. But how would she explain to him what had happened between her and Dan?

"What's going on Serena?" he took a deep breath and separated his body from hers, leaving her curled on their bed hugging a pillow.

"Tell me, when you're with me, are you somewhere else? With someone else? Am I enough for you? Because right now I feel you will walk out any minute! I can't seem to make you mine!" he said in a tired voice.

"Adam… I…" she got out of bed and approached him. She wrapped her arms around his waist, her head resting on his shoulder.

He held her tight and breathed in the scent of her hair and closed his eyes. "We need to talk Serena, but I can't do it with you wrapped around me." He disentangled her body from his and sat her down on the chaise longue. He knelt down and staring into her eyes he asked: "Where do you want to take this? Or do you even want to take this anywhere?"

Shaking her head she spoke softly: "I need time." She lowered her head in an effort to escape his eyes.

"Where is this coming from? We were doing so well and now you need time? Time for what? You know what? I'm out of time Serena! I can't think straight when I'm not with you! I can't sleep! You're in my head constantly…" Raising Serena's face so that he could read her expression, he said softly: "I love you like I've never loved in my life. I even doubt I had loved before I met you."

Serena knew this was the moment of truth. It was in her hands. She hated and cursed herself, what she was going to tell him would cause him a pain that she had never intended… But she had to do it.

"Adam…" she ran her hands through her hair and down to her face covering it. She inhaled deeply. "There's no easy way to tell you this…" In a low voice she let it out: "I cheated on you." Serena felt like a thousand daggers had just stabbed her in the heart.

"What? What did you just say?" the look of incredibility in his face couldn't be disguised. He was hoping he had heard her wrong.

Her blue eyes began to tear when she repeated: "I cheated on you with Dan."

"You cheated on me with Dan… Who the hell is…" the words died in his throat. He stood up and taking a few steps back he collapsed on the chair behind him. "Mexico… you were…"

"Adam, I'm so, so sorry! If I could get back in time, believe me I…"

"Stop it Serena!" he yelled cutting her off, the anger, the pain, ripping him from the inside out.

"I never, never meant to hurt you, I never wanted it to happen; you have to believe me, please…"

"Did you have sex with him?" he asked his dark eyes hardening, a pained, angry look fixing her.

"We… we didn't go all the way… but it was the same… I cheated on you, he cheated on Taylor and I feel so sorry."

All Adam could mumble was "Why? When?" He shook his head in disbelief.

"Please, listen to me. I'll try to explain it to you, I owe that. After you hear me I'll accept your decision. Whatever it is." She looked pale; all the color had deserted her face.

"Go on", he said in an icy voice.

Serena wiped off the tears from her face. "That night in Mexico, we met for the first time in years. Dan and I dated in high school. We broke up and never saw each other again. Until that day. I had the shock of my life when I saw him in front of me. I didn't know why he pretended we had never met. I didn't know he was Taylor's boyfriend or what he had told her. Later we met on the beach… it was a coincidence", she paused. "I told him I was with you and I would go on with my life, with you."

Adam stood up and walked over to the window and stared at the streets outside. Serena looked at him, trying to decipher his face. A sign, a mark of what he was thinking. Nothing. He remained silent. She continued.

"We left for NYC and I didn't hear from him until last week. He found me at a party. We ended up meeting the next day and it happened there."

"Please say something" she pleaded when he just kept staring at everything and nothing outside. Unable to hide her desperation any longer, Serena approached him and hugged him from behind. She felt his body tense at the contact, but he didn't pull her away. He turned around and took her in her arms. He closed his eyes and felt the touch of her, the warmth of her body that seemed to leap into his own.

"It was terrible what I did, I have no excuse, but I can fix it. We can fix it. Please forgive me." She shrank in his arms feeling his heart beating heavily, the muscles of his arms contracting. Minutes passed, they stood there, both holding each other… Serena crying. Adam impassive.

"Adam?" Serena lifted her eyes up to meet his. "This is not what I wanted to happen…" She gently put her hands on both sides of his face and looked deeply into his eyes. "You have to believe me…" she whispered.

"So why did you meet him? You want to be with me but you have to see him?" He pushed her hands away and turned his back on her.

"How can I believe you Serena? I love you, I want to be with you, I don't feel any need to see past lovers, I have no doubts about who I want, who I love. Obviously we aren't on the same page, we have different concepts of what loving someone means. You say you're sorry and you think everything will be fine?" he turned back and asked with scorn.

To see those eyes that used to worship her with nothing less than adoration, full of contempt and pain wasn't anything she wasn't expecting, but it didn't hurt any less.

"No, it won't. But I couldn't keep this a secret from you, I'm scared but I know I did the right thing."

"Oh, congratulations Serena! Congratulations on your new found conscience! You did the right thing! I guess that will settle our problem" he laughed in disdain.

She couldn't say a word.

"Serena, there's a lot I can handle. I can handle you're a van der Woodsen and loaded and I'm not; I can handle, hardly, not to see you for days or weeks; I can handle when you strut down the runway and men are fantasizing about you; I can handle that you're always late, because at the end of the day you're my Serena, or you were my Serena. But this?!!! This I don't think I can. Not today at least. Today I have to go. I have to. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for you, I'm sorry for us."

"But if you go today, if you go now, what will we have tomorrow?" she asked.

"Ask yourself that question" he turned back to face her before he left the bedroom, slamming the door behind.

"Adam! Adam! Stay please, we need to talk!" she screamed. But he wasn't there to hear her anymore.

Serena heard the front door shut. He had gone. Opening the door to the hallway, Serena walked into the bathroom. She closed the door behind her and fell to the ground, tears streaming down her cheeks.

"What am I going to do?" she sobbed.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine**

He glanced around the bar and located the person he'd come to see. Slowly he walked to where the man sat at the bar watching a basketball match on the big screen. "Tylerl!"

Adam turned at the sound of his name. "Humphrey!" he spat. He didn't try to hide what kind of feelings he had towards Dan: "I should just smack your face and kick you out of here!"

"So, I guess she told you."

"Yes, I know about you and Serena, and again, I should just smash your face!"

"You're not going to do that" Dan responded calmly. "I need to talk to you, so chill out."

"An apology is all I want to hear from you. If you didn't come for that then you can leave," he turned his back and downed the rest of his beer.

"I'm not leaving and I didn't come for that." Dan called the bar tender: "Please, bring two more." He sat on the empty seat next to Adam.

"How did you know where to find me?" Adam asked with an angry look on his face.

"If only you knew how many things I know about you…" Dan retorted.

"Oh, really? I know everything I need to know about you and I didn't have to check: you're a fucking asshole!" he said in a tone that attracted the curiosity of those around them.

"We better find another place to talk, free shows are not my thing" he stood up looking around for a table.

Grabbing the beers, the two men snagged an empty table. Adam was the first to speak. "So? What do you want to talk about?"

Dan didn't bother beating around the bush. "Serena."

Shaking his head Adam tried to shut the conversation down. "That topic is closed. I'm not discussing my relationship with Serena with you."

Dan waited a moment before continuing as if he hadn't heard Adam's words.

"Well we'll just have to open it up again" he said looking at him.

Adam realized that Dan wasn't going to let it drop.

"Fine. What about her?" Adam raised the bottle to his lips.

Dan wasted no words. "I want her back. I know Serena; I know how to make her happy."

"You know Serena? The seventeen year old Serena I guess! And no doubt you're making her so happy she runs away from you!" Adam laughed in his face.

Dan coolly ignored his provocation. "After what happened why don't you give up already? You have nothing to offer her, I'm sure you're a nice distraction for her; someone new, different from what she's used to, but you're a photographer, you take pictures of girls like Serena; you don't have girls like Serena!"

"But you do, right? God knows you're trying, at any cost, with no consideration for the people around you! Do you think you're any different from the guys those girls have around them every day? They see a pretty face and a body and they think they're up for it. I know exactly what you're after."

"When it comes to me, you don't know a fucking' thing." Dan answered, his voice a bit amused.

Adam sat back in his chair, a cynical smirk on his lips. "Right so you don't want her? So what are you doing here?" Raising his hand, he silenced Dan's words. "Don't bother."

Leaning forward he let his voice drop to a quiet whisper. "Why I don't give up, you asked me? Too damn easy." Holding up three fingers he continued. "Three reasons; one: I love her, she's in my head, in my heart, day and night, eyes open, eyes closed, there she is! Two: again, I love her! All the flaws included… three: I don't even need a reason three! But even if I had, I'm damn sure it wouldn't be something I would share with you!"

Damn! He was starting to piss him off, he needed to calm down. "Serena and I have a past, I'm sure you're aware of that. Things were never easy between us, but I have no doubt it was love what we shared. And the feelings are still there. From my side… and her side… I don't know what she told you, but if you ask her I'm pretty sure she won't deny it."

"Right! So what are we doing now, what are we now? Two peacocks strutting for the same female during the mating season? Do me a favor Humphrey and let me and Serena handle our relationship. Because we have one, you two don't! She wants you to leave her alone, I want you to leave her alone. For good." Adam paused to finish his beer.

"Quit now before things get really ugly" he continued. "I can hurt you if I want to, and believe me I will if you don't leave Serena alone. I won't let you hurt her. You've got a girlfriend and a relationship that could use some attention."

"Feeling threatened? If things are looking so good and rosy with you how come Serena is not with you? How come you're here sitting in a bar alone?"

Adam's eyes narrowed. "Threatened? By you?" he asked.

Dan could feel how angry Adam was but he wouldn't let it go.

"Yes, by me! You love her for five minutes and you think you can tell me what to do? Or what it is to love her? But one thing I can tell you, I love her and while I feel she has strong feelings for me too I will fight for her."

"This is not a competition; it's not about what I want or what you want. It's about what she wants, who she wants. She has the power to decide, not you or me with this pathetic peacock fight. She knows we both want her. The truth is we both put ourselves in her hands. Now waiting the verdict is all we can do…"

"You're feeling pretty confident, aren't you? What bunch of crap have you told her? That you love her and can't live without her? Do you have any idea how many times she must have heard that?"

"Including from you?"

"Yeah, including from me. I let her go once; I'll do everything not to let her go twice."

"Even if in the process you hurt Taylor's feelings? Have you stopped for a second to think about what you're doing to her? Do you have any intention to talk to her, to tell her you're after another woman? A woman that she happens to know and work with? At least Serena had the dignity to tell me."

"Oh, don't play the innocent with me! I know how you are this irresistible guy with the models, every month a new flavor, that's what she is for you? The flavor of the month?"

"And how do you know that? You know what? It's good to know that you're taking me and my feelings for Serena seriously enough to try to find some dirt on me. Because you can be damn right I love that woman and I'll use your weapons if I have to!"

"Don't try too hard; you will be disappointed with what you'll find!"

"You were you checking on me, right? Let me guess, with Taylor? Did you tell her what your motives were? Does she know that you're on a mission to get into S's pants?"

"I've been there already, actually it only took me some minutes to get there; I know which buttons I had to push, you should see the lust in her eyes when I…"

Adam felt the satisfying crunch of bones breaking under his fist when it hit Dan's face.

He let out all of the anger that he felt out on his face. He was sure that he must have broken a knuckle or two but he didn't care. The feeling of satisfaction was too good.

A waiter tried to intervene and moved to pull Adam off of Dan, but Adam pushed him aside.

"It's OK! We were just settling our differences, right Humphrey?" Adam looked him in the eye while sitting back on his chair.

"Yeah, we're cool, you can go", Dan answered still massaging the spot on his face where Adam had hit him.

"I guess I was asking for it, but you try again and I assure you you'll be seeing the lights of a hospital room ceiling" Dan warned him calmly.

"And you leave us alone or you can bet I'll make sure Taylor knows what her loving boyfriend is up to behind her back!"

"You leave her out of this. She's my business."

"Like Serena is my business; not yours."

Standing, Dan finished his beer and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

"The woman I saw days ago is a woman torn. You better accept it. I'm part of her heart as much as you are. And I won't go away." He left.

He was right, Adam thought. Serena was a woman torn between the love of two men. And Dan wouldn't let her go without a fight for her feelings. One thing he was sure of… Serena van der Woodsen's love was worth a fight.

Adam threw a large bill on the table and left the bar. Pulling his cell phone out he dialed a number.

"The number you have reached is out of service."

He disconnected the line. "Shit!"

He ran and hailed a cab.

***

Taylor pulled the blanket over her head and curled her legs and her arms to herself, closing her eyes, hoping that the door bell would stop ringing. It had been an exhausting day and she wasn't expecting anyone. Dan should be home soon and he had a key. After it rang a couple more times, she had no choice but to leave the comfort of the couch and walk towards the door. As she opened it, her eyes immediately spotted Dan's bruised face.

"Dan! What happened to you honey? Were you attacked? Don't you have the key?"

"Hey, hmm… no, I must have lost it, I couldn't find it. I'm sorry if I woke you up."

"It's OK, but what happened to you?" she raised her right hand to touch his face, but Dan's hand caught hers.

"Please don't; it hurts a bit but nothing a bit of ice won't fix."

Dan passed by her heading to the kitchen. He opened the fridge door to find some ice.

"Give it to me and sit there" she pointed to the chair.

"Are you going to tell me how you got hurt?" she asked, tenderly caring to his bruise.

"I got into a fight in a bar. I pissed some guy and this was how he treated me."

"Dan! A bar fight?! This is so not you! What was it about?"

What would he tell her? That he pined for a woman who was with another man and that man made his point with him? And that the said woman every so often worked with her? How would he explain to her that he'd almost given in to the desire of his body, of his heart if she hadn't stopped him? How would he explain that to her, the woman he thought he loved?

"Nothing, it was just a rift, we were discussing basketball. That's all."

"Dan, lying doesn't suit you, I know you. Since when do you get involved in bar rifts?"

She put the ice cubes on the counter and placed her hands on his shoulders, looking dead in his eyes: "Don't you think I've noticed you've been off somewhere? What's going on? You know you can tell me."

Dan closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He grabbed Taylor's hands.

"We need to talk. Will you sit for a moment?"

Taylor obeyed and sat across from him. "Dan, you're scaring me! What happened?"

"You're right, this, coming home with a bruised face, this is not me, it happened because I'm involved in a situation that I'm not proud of, but that I can't help it. You know Adam?" he looked at her, waiting for her response.

"Adam?" Taylor looked confused.

"Yes, Adam, the photographer."

"Adam did this to you?" she asked even more confused. "Since when you two hang out? Why would Adam hit you?"

"Because of Serena. Taylor, there's something I need to tell you, all this time, since you told me you had this photo shoot session in Mexico with Serena van der Woodsen, I haven't been honest with you. I knew who Serena was."

"Of course you did, you've seen her face in magazines, in billboards, what does you being hit have to do with Adam and Serena? I'm confused, please explain it to me."

"No, I knew, I know Serena. We dated in high school."

"You did?! That's the big secret? Why didn't you tell me, it's cute to see our high school crush again! Serena, Dan? Who knew?!" she smiled relieved. Seconds after her smile faded away. "But why did you pretend you didn't know her? And why didn't Serena tell me anything?"

"Taylor, Serena didn't know about us. I knew she would be in Mexico but she didn't, she was surprised to say the least when she saw me there with you. I pretended I didn't know her and I guess she was confused and didn't say anything until she knew what was going on."

"OK…" she was still not sure what to make of all this but the concern started to grow inside of her. "But what does Adam have to do with this? He and Serena are together now…" the words faded in her mouth.

"Adam hit me because he knows about Serena and I. About my feelings for Serena. I'm sorry Taylor, I wanted to tell you but I couldn't. I didn't want to hurt you, but things got to this point and I don't know how to protect you anymore."

"You and Serena? Your feelings for her? Wait, where is this coming from? Is this some kind of bad joke? You and Serena? When? How?"

Dan read the confusion and longing on her face.

"Taylor wait, there's no me and Serena, but when I saw her again I knew I still have feelings for her. I know it's hard to hear this but I can't hide it from you anymore."

"And you waited all this time to tell me that? As if this wasn't important enough for our relationship?! Our relationship Dan! Or did you forget we had one?" Her puzzlement was slowly turning into anger.

"No, I didn't, but do you think it was easy? I didn't want to hurt you Taylor! You mean too much to me, please believe it" his voice low, he dropped his head into his hands.

Are you sleeping with her?" Taylor threw the question at him.

"What?!" Dan shook his head. "No! Nothing is going on; I haven't seen Serena for days! She doesn't talk to me." Dan looked around and taking a deep breath he continued.

"There's no point in hiding the truth anymore. I saw Serena weeks ago, I had to talk to her, know what she feels for me, but things got a bit out of hand and..." He paused for a moment trying to decide whether to spare her with the details. "We almost did it Taylor... it didn't happen, we didn't go all the way, but we...."

Taylor walked over to one of the side tables and grabbed a pile of magazines, throwing them at Dan.

"Now all of this makes sense! And I thought it was only the excitement of meeting a famous face; the questions about her, about Adam" she spat.

Dan tried to catch them but they all ended on the floor. There was Serena's face smiling at him, the luscious lips, the blue eyes, teasing him, haunting him.

Taylor had always been able to tell when he was telling the truth, but not anymore. The pain, the humiliation and the anger killing any hope she could still have. She still needed to know one thing. "Do you love her?"

Dan looked the woman who'd shared his life for the last years. In his mind he played the happy moments of that time and gave her the truth that he owed her. "Yes. I love her."

Taylor had expected him to say yes, Dan would never tear down the world they had built together for an inconsequent affair. But now that the answer had been spoken into existence, what was she to do? Where did she go from here?

She sat down slowly.

"What about me? What about us? All this time, was it a complete lie? Have you ever loved me or was I just the possible replacement for the love of your life?" she asked tears streaming down her face.

Dan kneeled in front of her and tried to grab her hands. She cringed at his touch.

"Of course not. I've loved you all this time. Serena was never an issue between us. Not until I saw her in Mexico." Dan saw no reason to lie at this point. It would only make things worse if he did. They needed to get everything out in the open and move on from there.

"Were you thinking of her all this time? Emotionally you've been somewhere else. Now I know why. All those questions… the innocent interest… how could you Dan?"

The uncontrolled sobs were breaking his heart, but certainly no more than he was breaking hers. Dan felt the tears running down his cheeks, his voice faltered when he spoke.

"Have you ever… have you ever had a pull towards someone… or something that you have no control over? Wherever it takes you, you just go? That's how I feel… I've never wanted to hurt you, I wasn't diabolically planning to get closer to Serena… but I can't help it Taylor… I can't…"

"Yes, I know, for me that was you Dan. How could my heart be so wrong?" she asked, her heart filled with sadness.

"Your heart wasn't wrong, I love you Taylor, but not the way you deserve. You're compassionate, caring, loving, that won't change." He pushed a stray curl from her face. Her mind was so disturbed that she didn't even notice it.

"What about Serena? Does she love you? Did she break up with Adam after she saw you? Is that why Adam hit you?"

"I don't know what Serena feels, she's confused, she's angry, she doesn't want to see me… She didn't break up with Adam and he's pretty much in love with her, so yes, that's why he hit me…"

"So you want to pursue your feelings for a woman you're not even sure loves you back, that is in a relationship with a man who's in love with her? And all that it got you was a smashed up face? Who are you Dan? Do I know you?"

Dan dropped his eyes to the floor. He had done too much damage already. He had no answer for her.

"I think you should leave" Taylor's voice barely audible.

"But..."

"I think you should leave" Taylor didn't want to listen to his voice any longer. She had had enough truths for one night, she couldn't take anymore.

Knowing that she needed space Dan stood up without protesting her request further. He paused at the door. "I really am sorry, Taylor". He closed the door with a soft click.

Outside he reached for his cell phone and dialed a number.

"The number you have reached is out of service."

"Damn it" he shouted.


	10. Chapter 10

This is it. The last chapter. It was an amazing pleasure to write this story, I put a lot of effort into it and I wouldn't have done it without Hannah's help. A big thank you. A massive thank you too to the people who honored me with their reviews. It meant a lot.

**Chapter Ten**

"Serena Celia van der Woodsen!"

"Hi Mom. Sorry I couldn't take your calls. I was busy, I was just waiting for the day to end to call you back", Serena says hoping she will avoid the speech she knows is coming.

"Serena, don't lie to me! You're avoiding me, you're avoiding everybody; you have to end this as soon as possible! I don't know what else to tell them; you disappear, you change your number and I'm left dealing with your boyfriends?!!! And they're bribing the porter of your building to let them know when you arrive. This is getting out of hand Serena! If you don't talk to them today, tomorrow, I'll give them your new number, I swear I will!" her words spilling out all at once.

"I… I will" Serena replies weakly.

"You will?" Lily's voice rises in dismay. "You will?"

"Just stay calm…breathe… don't worry…" she could picture Lily's angry face on the other side of the line.

"How can I not worry? You promised you were going to sort this out weeks ago!"

"I know I did. And I will. It's just… it has been so difficult, you know it's not about deciding, it's about explaining my reasons…, please Mom, try to understand… please don't tell them where I am and don't give them my number..."

"Serena, I'm expecting you this week in New York and you'll end this story for good or I'll personally take them to you. Both at the same time. I'm not kidding. I love you honey, but this has to end."

"I know. Mom… thank you for covering up for me, I mean it. I love you."

"I love you too, but it's time to put an end to this."

Serena flips her cell shut and looks at Blair who is sitting cross legged on the sofa opposite her.

"Lily is pissed, hmm?" Blair laughs.

"She is!" Serena chuckles. "She's lost all her patience with me."

Serena is sitting in front of the mirror getting ready for a photo shoot. Her golden tresses tied in a messy bun played off her complexion and beautiful eyes. She stares at her reflection for a moment longer, her eyes like two blue doors to her soul revealing her inner struggle.

As if sensing the turmoil her friend is going through, Blair asks softly: "Why didn't you call me before? You know I would have come…"

"I know, but you were all happy and bubbly living your life. I didn't want to bother you with my messy life. Again!"

"Serena!" Blair gazes at her friend and stands up.

An assistant interrupts their conversation with a knock on the door: "Serena: hair and makeup in ten."

"Thank you Bill. Will you tell Kyle I need some more time with my friend? He can start with Amber and then I'll be ready for him."

"OK, I'll tell him..."

Blair approaches Serena and puts an arm around her. "What are you going to do Serena?"

Serena takes a deep breath closing her eyes. "I'm going to call them. There's no other way out, I have to end this."

"And the fact that you're so torn between two men… couldn't it mean that neither one is the right one -- at least for now…?" Blair asks her friend.

"I don't know B, I was happy with Adam, I really was. For the first time in a long time I felt it was worth to invest in a relationship, we get along, we have interests in common, his passion for his work… his understanding of my work… and I hurt him…and he didn't deserve it…" her voice falters and a tear escapes her blue eyes.

"S, do you love him? Because it sure looks like you do…"

"I do, I love him and I'm so stupid I didn't tell him when I should have …" Serena is relieved to finally admit what she already knew but never said.

"I guess that's a van der Bass sibling thing…" Blair chuckles.

"Shut up, my brother makes you a happy woman!" Serena smiles whipping off a tear that runs down her cheek.

"Yeah, he does… but it took him long enough."

"Why did you feel it was worth to invest in this relationship with Adam? What was different about him? Let's face it Serena, you can have any guy you want…"

"You mean I can have all the sex I want…" she scoffs.

"I need you to help me find answers Blair, not to question me even more than what I already do…"

"Serena, I think you have the answer, it's the questions you have wrong. Don't be afraid to ask yourself the right questions. And most importantly, don't be afraid of the answers…"

"I'm not Blair, I'm not… I just wish I hadn't of hurt anyone…" she trails off and sighs.

"But what about Dan? What exactly did you feel when you met again?"

"I … I… I don't know… when we touched, it felt real like in the beginning, but again we've never had problems feeling, it was with dealing with those feelings and making them work with the way we were. The way we were Blair… Years ago… I don't know what we could be today because we can't be together."

"Serena, you can if you want to…"

"At what price? At the price of ignoring and hurting two people's feelings that didn't see this coming?"

"And what about your feelings? Don't you think you should listen to them first? On the phone I said that you were with the right guy at the time. Now years later… who knows Serena… you'll need time to evaluate your feelings… true feelings, not lust. You have to listen to your heart. Sometimes listening to it doesn't equal making the right thing for everybody, but you have to make the right thing for you because it's you in this position, not them."

"I can't go to them and tell them I need time to measure my feelings Blair! There's no scientific formula to measure the intensity of someone's feelings. Besides, Adam would never give me that time and Dan has Taylor… or he had Taylor… God Blair, I'm the cause of another's person unhappiness… I swore to myself I would…"

"Serena! Focus here! She's not your problem, let him deal with her, you have enough on your plate."

"Easy to say Blair…"

"Honey, I know I'm not being a great help, I can listen to you, I can try to understand your feelings, but the answer lies within you."

"I know, I'm driving everybody crazy, including myself."

Blair is silent for a moment. Then she reaches for Serena's cell phone and thrust it at her.

"Do it! Do it now. Deep inside you know your answer Serena. You're just afraid, but you know what you have to do."

Serena stares at it contemplating her options: "I'll do it after the photo shoot, I swear to you. I need to stay calm and collected."

"No, Serena!" Blair shook her head firmly. "Do it now."

"Okay!" Serena says trying to ignore the apprehension inside her. She grabs the phone and then puts it down again...

"You stay here with me for the photo shoot and then I'll call them. In front of you. Deal?" she bargains.

"You know you won't fool me!"Blair says seriously.

"I know. I want to do it too, I want to end this. Thank you for being here for me."

She smiles at Blair. "I'm going to be okay." Blair automatically returns her a small smile and winks "Yeah, you will. Whatever you decide, I'll be here."

***

Serena stumbles up the stairs, her hands shaking nervously as she reaches for the keys. After three tries, she finally manages to get it in the lock and is greeted by the sound of silence.

"Adam? Are you home?" There's no response so she heads for the studio and opens the door. For a few moments she just watches him from the doorway. He is lying down on the sofa; his arm is draped over his forehead. His papers are sprawled on the ground, his cell phone on the side of the sofa.

"Hey… Adam?" she whispers.

With a start he sits up and rubs his face. His disheveled dark hair is a bit longer; a light stubble shadows his jaw; he is clad in an old grey T-shirt and jeans and barefoot. She sees him turning and looking towards her, the piercing emerald green eyes even more enthralling. He looks a little startled to see her there.

"Hiya back…" his eyes meet hers.

Serena peers at him anxiously. "Sorry to wake you up… You said I could come when I called you."

"Yeah, I know… I fell asleep checking on those papers."

"I brought some coffee." She hands him a cup.

"Thank you."

They both stare at each other, the silence a living presence between them.

"I had the keys…" she says tentatively.

"Yes, of course…" Adam stands up and starts gathering his papers from the floor.

"How are you?" Serena asks, her hands moving nervously.

He turns to her. "How do you think I am? I'm good! And I'm glad to see that you're too… right?" his ironic tone doesn't go unnoticed.

"Yeah… Adam, I understand you're upset and angry with me…"

"Upset? Angry? Me? No! No way. I just had to be bothering the people I know who know you when in fact you were the one who should be after me if you were so sorry about everything like you said."

"And I was, I am, but I had to go for a while, and I had work I couldn't cancel, but I'm here now… I'm here to apologize to you again and to tell you that I'm here to stay. I want to be with you."

Serena pauses. Adam is still silent, listening. There's a strange expression in his face. She can't tell what he's thinking. As he gazes at her, Serena feels a sudden tremor of apprehension.

"Will you take me back, Adam?" she asks holding her breath, desperately hoping.

He shifts slightly to avoid the teary blue eyes that are looking at him. She has come back to him, but he knows that with Serena there are no guarantees.

"So now what? Where do you want to take this? When you say you're here to stay what do you mean? Today? For a week? A month?"

Serena approaches him and with a certainty she didn't know she was able to, she cups his face in her palms, caressing gently with her thumbs while looking deeply into his eyes as if wanting to pass to him all the belief she has in her words.

"I'm here to stay. With you. Us. Together. I will not look back again, I want to look forward, to what life can bring me, to what I can do or be, not to what I did or was."

Serena looks at him and smiles, her lips curving up in a shy arc: "I love you", she says warmly, her voice nearly a whisper.

Adam exhales in a gust of relief; he wants to be careful, he wants to remember the sleepless nights, the hours wondering, but she's in front of him and all he thinks of is kissing her. He would go to the end of the earth for her, in a heartbeat. He reaches up and covers her hands with his own. Serena closes her eyes and when he brings her hands down to his chest and holds her gently she can feel the swift beat of his heart under his shirt. Unable to say anything, a reluctant smile lightens his face and he kisses her tenderly, slowly. Her soft lips, her smell… how he had missed her smell on his body, on his clothes, how he had missed her form tightly wrapped around him…

"It took you long enough…" he finally says parting their lips.

"I know, I wish I had…" Serena swallows hard and opens her eyes. She looks up at him with so much trust and honesty.

"Shhh…" he stops her. "You said it when you had to, when you were ready to say it." Adam wraps his arms around her waist and pulls her to him in a tight embrace. She loves him, she had finally acknowledged it. He knows now, just like she knows how much he loves her.

Hours later they lay in each other's arms on the rug of the studio floor. They speak through caresses and soft kisses; lingering glances and slow touches.

Adam pushes her hair out of her face to contemplate her: "I respect your feelings, how important he was in your life, but if you're here with me to stay, it's only you and me. I mean it Serena."

"I know. And I mean every word I said." She moves closer to him and nuzzles her nose to his neck.

"I have to figure out how to do this, how to share my life with another person, how to be a partner. I'm ready for it, but I'm not good at his, I'm warning you." She squeezes his hand tightly.

"I know, you suck at it", he lets out a little laugh as he squeezes her hand back.

"Hey, that's not the right answer. You'll pay for it…" She bites him playfully in his neck in response. Adam lets out a small groan and in one fluid motion he rolls her over, his body hovering over hers, trapping her between him and the floor.

"We'll deal with it, we'll work together, I'm new at this too, we'll figure it out, all of it, but don't you dare to walk away from me. I'm not that scary."

"Yes, you are. You're always so sure of yourself, so sure of what you want…"

"You're all I ever wanted…"

"You're all I want."She grabs his face and smoothes back his hair, the feel of her lips on his temple, the fingers on the nape of his neck.

Serena's eyes are shining with peace when she turns them to Adam. "I have to go now. There's still something I need to do…"

Serena kisses him before breaking away from his arms. He watches her grabbing her things and he too rises from the floor.

"If you talk to my mom, tell her I'm ready for that trip…" she says mischievously. "Wait for me."

Back pressed against the door he says nothing, he has a feeling whatever she means it's a good thing, and after a few silent moments he hears the sound of her heels against the hardwood floor. He smiles because he knows she will come back and he'll be waiting.

***

Serena is sitting on a couch at the Mercer hotel bar showing a fake interest in the paintings hanging on the wall opposite her. In her hand a glass of martini that she's sipping distractively. She is feeling trapped in a turmoil of mixed emotions: unmistakable happiness for a love that she no longer fears. But there's also that other feeling; the feeling of a sad closure for a love that was and that no longer is. Serena knows it's time to leave the past in the past; it's time to let go, close the door and envision an exciting yet frightening tomorrow.

"Miss van der Woodsen, your table is ready." The waiter leads her to an empty table in the corner where privacy is assured.

"Thank you."

When he leaves she looks around at the diners immersed in happy chatter. The corks popping, the glasses tinkling on trays, it all adds to an atmosphere of happy relaxation. A sentiment that she would gladly share if it wasn't for the goodbye she had come to say. It has to be the hardest word to utter Serena thinks. If it hurts so much why does she have to say it? Because it hurts so much more to keep holding to something that isn't there anymore. Sure she will always have the memories, the memories of his morning wake up calls; spaghetti a la Bolognese set on a tray with her favorite flower in a little vase; stepping out of bed and slipping into his shirt; making weekend plans… She's so caught up in the memories of days past that she doesn't notice the man standing in front of her.

"Serena."

"Hi" she says rising from her seat and placing her glass on the table.

"I got your message…"

"Thank you for coming. Have a seat."

Dan sits in front of her, the confident look in his face making her feel slightly uncomfortable. How is she going to tell him without hurting him? Is there a way?

"Dan, I know you've been trying to reach me, but I had to leave and not only for the obvious reasons… I had to work, I couldn't be here and see you two…" Serena sighs heavily. "The truth is I was confused, I let myself get confused when I shouldn't have, and I put myself in a position that has caused nothing but pain and tension for all of us…"

"Yeah, I understand that but why have you disappeared Serena? Did you think it would be easier to run away from your confusing feelings if you left us both here fighting for you and deciding for you?"

"And do you think it is easy Dan? I could have avoided all this, I didn't and no matter what I say or do it will never be easy."

Serena looks into his eyes and gently but firmly she says: "I'm sorry Dan, we were a beautiful story, but we're not that story anymore."

He stares at her for a moment, absorbing her words. "That's it then?"

"Yes" she nods staring down at the floor, his brown eyes too much for her.

Dan falls back in his seat and buries his face in his hands.

Serena breaks the silence in a low voice: "I want you to know it's not you Dan, who you are, but I'm in a different stage of my life with another person. We're not seventeen anymore. We can't think things would be right based on the past. But that is not even the point… you have to accept that. Yes, I was confused, yes I was torn. Now I realize I wasn't torn between two loves, I was torn between love and the idea of love. You were my love and when we broke up you became my idea of love, Dan. You were the one all the others were measured up to. But now I have a new love… After you all the guys felt wrong, until he came into my life."

He's about to say something when his cell phone starts ringing. He whips it out of his pocket to switch it off.

"It's okay, you can answer it."

"No, I'm here with you now, sorry to interrupt you."

Serena shifts on the couch. "Just like you and I were right back then, so are Adam and I now. And you love Taylor, you know you do. If you hadn't seen me you would never question your love for her."

"Don't think you know what I feel because you don't!" he snaps at her.

"I'm ready to give us a chance and what are you doing? You're grabbing every opportunity you have to justify your decision… If you would just listen to your heart…" he trails off.

"No, you're the one not listening Dan! You're the one holding on to something we had, we had Dan! Past! We're different now. Let's preserve what we had and not tear down those memories of what we were. That's what would happen; you know that, we're different now!"

"How do you know? I can't accept that, not without trying, I don't understand how you can be so sure of what you're saying…" he says calmly.

"We never settled our differences; it wouldn't be any different this time. And I won't hurt anyone else, you and me… it's different, we're guilty of all this, but they aren't. I'm not going to break a heart I'm in love with to revisit the past. I don't have to, I know what I want."

"So, you'll let us go because you don't want to hurt anyone?"

"I don't want to hurt you Dan… don't make this even more difficult for me. You have to accept that I'm in love with another person. It won't change. I'm not a prize you two are fighting for."

"I won't stop the path to my heart's dream. And that is you." The resolute tone of his voice was a sharp contrast to the inner realization that he was going to lose her.

"Fine, travel the path to your heart's dream but understand that I simply can't travel it with you. It's not me Dan, you know it."

Dan shakes his head contemplating her words. Suddenly he stares at her eyes and pushes on: "Tell me you don't love me!"

"You know I will always love you in a special way. I know you will be fine because you were fine before and you will move on and live your life. I'm so sorry for Taylor; I didn't want any of this…"

"Taylor is my problem not yours. I wish things would have been different, but they weren't and now I can't go back to her, not after you came and shook my feelings for her the way you did."

"I'm sorry for us Dan…our cycle together is completed. I wanted us to part our ways in a good way; I want us to have a conversation if we see each other again in the future…"

Dan knows it's the end. He knows he has lost her but he will never feel like he lost. He fought for her, only the timing was wrong, not his feelings. And she's right; he too wants to end this conversation in a friendly tone because there's no other way between him and Serena. In the past, now or in the future.

"That's what I want too. But do something for me. Let's get out of here and go for a walk. I promise I won't try to change your mind" he smiles at her and she remembers how sweet and caring his smile is.

"Okay" she nods.

They walk out on to the busy New York streets. Dan reaches for Serena's hand and she lets him take it. They start walking in silence.

They stream through the streets; a gentle rain starts to fall when they reach the Meatpacking district, the place where they first kissed. Only this time they didn't stop, they didn't kiss, but both went back in time as proven by the sudden and firm intertwining of their fingers.

"I never understood how people could say that sometimes love means saying goodbye… now I do. But I would do the same again Serena."

"I will always remember your touch, your embrace, how I lost myself in you, no one will ever take that away from me …" her eyes were clouded with tears and at the mercy of the emotion she finally succumbs.

Dan slowly pulls her toward him and his lips gently brush her forehead. At his touch she pulls away from him slightly and rewards him with a tender smile.

"I will never forget you Serena… be sure of that…"

"I am. Like I will always remember you…"

For a moment they stand there gazing at each other.

"I have to go…"

"I know…" He hails her a cab and when it arrives he opens the door for her.

"Goodbye Serena."

"Goodbye Dan" she enters the cab and closes the door. She presses her forehead against the cool window to see him becoming a distant image.

_"We laughed until we had to cry, we loved right down to our last goodbye, but over the years we'll smile and recall, for just one moment - we had it all."_ – St. Elmo's Fire theme song

The End


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